Today I want to share my 10 Insights from 10 years of Marriage.
On the 2nd November 2009 I married my husband. We stood on a cliff in New Zealand overlooking the Cook Strait with South Island away in the distance. My voice shook as I spoke my vows. But my intent was steady.
We’d been together as a couple for almost 10 years when we said our marriage vows. Our relationship began as the millennium rolled over. We were engaged mid 2004 and finally got around to the wedding over 5 years later.
Our relationship has covered a lot of ground – in time, in distance (we’ve lived in 3 different countries and 7 different houses) and life experience (including emigration, becoming parents, relocation and returning to the UK.)
I do like to reflect (as you may already know) and I’ve found myself looking back at our marriage recently as we reached the milestone of our 10th anniversary.
My 10 Insights from 10 years of Marriage
- I believe intimacy is related to nuances. All these small actions and behaviours add up. When you’re in a long term relationship – intimacy is often more about the small everyday nuances than grand actions.
- It’s important to celebrate individualities whilst having common ground.
- Change is inevitable so there has to be some flexibility – this comes back to those nuances again – we change gradually over time and being aware of the nuances helps it not be a shock.
- The wedding day is just one day of celebration – make sure you continue celebrating your marriage – not necessarily with big parties and the rest of the world but as a couple.
- He’s one of my favourite people…unless he’s not – it’s important I work through why he’s not instead of taking action because of it.
- Make big decisions together. The times we made big decisions together have formed the milestones of our marriage.
- We must call each other out when our behaviour isn’t acceptable. And yes, sometimes that happens.
- Respect each others values and beliefs. And remember – they won’t always align.
- Humour and comedy is a common ground for us and we enjoy it together. Especially in the mundane or bad moments.
- Him being lighter makes me lighter and vice versa – we must make the effort to keep lifting each other up.
I wonder what insights I will glean from the next 10 years?